Hair

OK, so I decided to try this thing called a Brazillian Blowout on my hair (the hair on the top of my head people, come on). I've been wanting to do something different for a while but didn't really feel like committing to color. I've straightened my hair before and knew I didn't want to do that again. So, I tried it. I didn't really think about it too much before I did it. I just wanted to try it.

I thought my hair would be pretty curly still. It said it would remove like 50% of the curl, but my hair is pretty damn straight. I don't dislike it. It is fun having long flowing hair. But I don't know that I like it either. I'm hoping as the stuff washes out, it will get curlier and be more what I had in mind.

I had hoped this hair would be easier to deal with but I actually find it harder. I don't know what to put in it, how much, or what to do to it. I'm spending more time on my hair, not less. I do like that when I pull it back, it isn't all frizzy and puffy. I like that it is sleeker. We'll see how it grows out. I'm a little nervous that it won't wash out and I'll be stuck with straight hair on the ends and curls at the roots and end up chopping it all off. But I guess that would be something new too.

it's not me, it's you

This week I realized something. I kind of knew this about myself, but it never seemed so clear as it does now. Suppose you have a friend who says mean things to you all the time or forgets to meet you or is perpetually really, really late. Most people would think to themselves, "wow, this person is not very considerate." and maybe they'd even go so far as to think "I don't want to be friends with them anymore."

Not me. I think things like "I wonder what I did to piss them off." or "they must not like me very much." and then I feel sad about how lame I am instead of realizing it's not me, it's them! Seriously. I finally realize this. I do this in all sorts of relationships. For example, if the check out person at the grocery store forgets to give me the discount and I ask them to apply it and they have to re-ring up the whole thing and are annoyed, I think "geez, it was only $2, I shouldn't be wasting their time." WTF? It is their job. So what if they are annoyed. Not my problem.

Now, I just need to figure out how to apply this handy knowledge in real time instead of realizing after the fact that I have crappy friends, rude salespeople, psychotic managers, etc. I need to start saying (if only in my head) "No, It's You!"

I'm not 22 anymore and why that is a good thing

In NOLA I partied like I haven't partied since I was a young, single girl living in Boston. Which as a side note is a great place to party. But after getting pretty drunk again last night, I have to ask myself "what the hell am I thinking?" I am not 22 anymore and thank god for that. So why am I running around like I am?

I fear this will require much pondering since as far as I can tell this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. Now, given that I have been quite miserable at times, one could say this isn't really saying much. However, I actually feel pretty damn happy these days. I do have an extreme fear of getting old. Just the thought of turning 35 gives me a distinct bad taste in my mouth. Yeah, go ahead and laugh at me. I seriously do not want to get old. Jeff told me the other day that he read some article that people over 80 said they'd trade 2 years of life over 80 for like 1 day (or a week or something) of being young and healthy. If that doesn't scare the crap out of you, I don't know what will.

Anyway, I am going to discuss this with my therapist and I'll get back to you. But in the meantime, I'm taking a vow to stop drinking my friends under the table.

Summer is never coming

So, it is now the first day of July and still summer has not hit Seattle. It is 58 and raining today. 58! On July 1!!! This is very, very wrong people. Especially since last year I was complaining about the heat wave. I bet this year I won't even get to break out the air conditioner.

In other news, life seems to be going much better. Jeff is being awfully nice these days which makes me happy to be married to him. We found a new babysitter and are now going out once a week. We are actually having a lot of fun together and it makes me remember why I married him in the first place.

Work is going well. I think it should be another good review in September. And as we all get shuffled around, looks like I'm going to be writing my own job description. So, I'll get to do exactly what I want to! How cool is that? Also, my friend Cheryl and I recently got back from Tech Ed in New Orleans. We had entirely too much fun. Lots and lots of guys (most of them not that attractive though).

And while I'm on the subject, what is up with all the married guys hitting on married women? I mean, yes everyone was drinking too much, but still. Is this really what is happening out in the real world and I've just been oblivious? Guess I'm just an old-fashioned kind of girl to be shocked by this. However, it is nice to know that if my husband drops dead or something, I'll have lots of options still.

Of course, it is almost the middle of summer, marked by my beautiful, baby boy's birthday. He'll be FIVE this year. I cannot believe that a) he's gotten so big and b) it has happened so fast. But at the same time I can hardly remember what life was like before he arrived! He's already riding a bike, learning to read and just generally making every day awesome.

I'm hoping 2010 will continue to rock so here's hoping we get some sun someday soon.

Loss of Babyhood

I'm a silly, silly girl I tell myself. I have two beautiful children and yet I feel incredibly sad at this moment in time. I'm also very happy but it is all very confusing as I watch my little girl grow up. She marches around the house with a swagger and demands things of everyone at the top of her lungs. She uses hand gestures and manerisms that make her seem more like 16 than 2. At the edge of 3, I've realized that she is no longer a baby. Not only that, she is my last baby and I'll never get to hold my own flesh and blood, fresh from my body for the first time and feel that intense moment of falling in love. I am not needed in the way that I was. I know, they still need me desperately and probably will for at least 20 more years. If for nothing else than to pay their bills. But somehow it isn't the same as the baby years. And while I am so excited to see them grow up and they are so funny and fun as little people, I wish I could capture that moment in time in all senses. Instead, I'm left with photos and videos that somehow don't quite cut it.