Snow Watch 2008 continues

Even though it is snowing here, there isn't enough snow there to open the trails that run past our cabin yet. Sigh. I really thought this week was going to bring the snow. But now they are calling for a big storm on Sunday which is good and bad. Good because more snow is better and bad because that is the day we are supposed to drive over. At least we have the portable DVD player this year to keep the kids entertained. And never underestimate the power of grandparents.

But with the snow here, we got a test run on how the kids were going to like playing in the snow. I'm happy to report they LOVE IT, so I'm sure we'll be having a big wild party next week.

Christmas Cards

Tis the season to freak out about getting all the right presents. But it doesn't stop there, nope, you have to figure out Christmas cards. As usual, I have procrastinated until the last possible moment. So, now I'm in a bit of a pickle since we're leaving for vacation in a few days and there is probably no way I'll get out my cards before Christmas. Maybe I'll just make them Happy New Year! cards. I'm still debating since I could go with a slightly lower quality and get them this week. But I'd also have to sacrifice on the number of photos I can include (4 instead of 8) and I'm really having a hard time choosing so few photos. At least it isn't snowing yet.

Snow predictions and bailouts

Ok, Snow Watch 2008 continues. Here's the latest forcast for the next fews days.

A STRONG WINTER STORM WILL MOVE INTO THE AREA ON FRIDAY. THISSYSTEM WILL LIKELY PRODUCE WIDESPREAD MODERATE TO HEAVY SNOWS NEARTHE CASCADE CREST. VALLEYS IN THE LEE OF THE CREST WILL PROBABLYHAVE A SMALLER CHANCE OF SIGNIFICANT SNOWFALL...BUT THE EXACTTRACK OF THIS STORM IS STILL UNCERTAIN.

I am keeping fingers, toes and anything else I can manage crossed. I'm sure we'll have fun without snow, but I really want to SKI!!!!

In other news, Jeff is obsessed with the auto bailouts. I'm really not sure how I feel about it. In general, I'm a big government girl. But I also feel totally annoyed that the US auto makers have spent so many years fighting any kind of move into the 21st century. They have pushed their giant gas-guzzling vehicles, shipped a lot of jobs overseas, and faught any legislation to move to higher fuel effeciency and new technologies. At the same time, they employ a lot of people who aren't going to have many options if they find themselves out of work. Bah. I think Ford deserves some help. Not so sure about the other two. But one more rant from Jeff and I'm gonna open a can of whoop-ass on him.

stupid house

OK, this is why my house needs to be completely gutted or torn down and rebuilt from the ground. The freezer dudes show up this morning (at 7:40 by the way, WTF?) and I haul my hung over ass downstairs to let them in. They get the freezer to my basement door and what do you know, it is super narrow! I suppose it should have occurred to me to measure it, because we've had this sort of problem before. Jeff and I wanted a king size bed but we couldn't even get the split box springs up the stairs. The stairs are so narrow and steep and you have to make a full turn at the bottom. I didn't think about it with the basement stairs since it's a straight shot.

Anyway, the freezer won't go down the stairs. Back to the store it goes. No giant freezer for me, at least this weekend. Supposedly I can get an upright that they could get down there. And on the bright side, the delivery guy totally knew his shit and was super nice.

Cheesy movies I love

OK, here's my list of favorite cheesy movies. I'll have to add to it over time, because I know I won't be able to remember very many off the top of my head. This is in no particular order.

1. The Sure Thing
2. Love Actually
3. The Way We Were
4. 10 Things I Hate About You
5. Bridget Jones's Diary
6. American Pie
7. The Parent Trap (both versions! If you say anything bad about Hayley Mills, I'll totally kick your ass)
8. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
9. Sixteen Candles
10. Grease
11. Dirty Dancing
12. Pillow Talk
13. The Cutting Edge

Remodel on hold

Ok, we have a plan. We're going to hold off on the remodel until we save some money or it magically gets cheaper. I'm hoping for both. If interest rates really fall to obscenely low lows, then that is going to make me happy. Not sure what it'll do to the economy, but who cares, its all about me, right?

Don't look directly at the boobs

We went to see Role Models at work today (yes, I do have the best job ever) which was completely inappropriate but highly entertaining. In the movie, one of the guys gives the advice that you should never look directly at a girl's boobs. Now, you definitely do need to watch the lecherous staring but I think the casual glance is acceptable depending on the circumstances. For example, I spent years perfecting the "look at my boobs" move which involves leaning on a table just the right way to get the proper amount of cleavage. In fact, I've done it so much that I now do it all the time without thinking, although when effective it is still entertaining. However, I tried this move on my husband a few weeks ago at dinner and he just said "are you showing me your cleavage?" Sheesh. I really need to get some new moves. Anyone have any good ones to share with me?

pre-baby jeans

I'm so excited to be wearing pre-Bob jeans. That's right, pants I haven't worn for 4 long years. And yes, they are a wee bit tight in the butt, but otherwise pretty good. I don't even have muffin top. Wahooooo!

Snow Watch 2008

OK, Jeff informed me the other day that there is NO SNOW at Mazama. That's right folks, nada, zero, zippola. Hey, guess what? You can't ski if there is no snow! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ok, I calmed down and decided to go check the historical data. Jeff claims that the closures of SR20 should accurately reflect when snow will start accumulating down the hill. As you can see, the pass often closes in early Dec, almost always by the 15th. And if you like charts, here's a fun one.

But now, I will have to be obsessed with checking the weather forcasts, the Mazama web cams and doing rain dances.

Best Thanksgiving in 10 years!

Thanksgiving was great. We drove down to my cousin's (once removed but whatever) house near Vancouver, WA. The drive was a bit sketchy since there was a lot of traffic. But Jeff kept his cool and the kids didn't freak out. This was the first trip we've taken with Kiera where she didn't scream for a good part of it. In fact, she's getting to be a very pleasant travelling companion.

Anyway, we had dinner with my mom's aunt (my grandfather's sister) and all of her kids and their families. They are all fun, nice people and great cooks too! One of the relatives I hadn't seen since we lived in Boston. He taught Jeff and me to x-country ski in New Hampshire about 10 years ago. So, it was fun to catch up. The food was so good. I ate too much but it was good.

After sobering up with some tea, we drove the rest of the way to Portland and stayed at the Crowne Plaza. We had 2 connecting rooms, which was great! The kids had a blast. We had to take Bob swimming right away even though it was late. They both passed out pretty quickly and Jeff and I ate popcorn and candy in bed while watching a movie. Now Jeff wants a flat screen HDTV in our bedroom. Hmmmmm.

Friday morning we got up (kids slept until 7:30!!!) and went out to breakfast at Zell's. OMG, so yummy. I had egg benedict which was great. The kids had pancakes. I tried to talk them into the pumpkin pancakes but they didn't go for it. They give you scones when you first get there, which were more like biscuits but very tastey. The best part was they brought out a basket of toys when we first got there which kept the kids entertained. And the tea came in a GIANT teapot. Usually, you get one little tea bag and a cup of tea, so that was cool.

Then we went to Powell's. I could live there. I didn't even go into the fiction section because I knew I'd never get out. The place is huge! I think it takes up a whole city block. I bought some cookbooks and the kids got some books to read in the car.

Then they watched Diego all the way home. We stopped at my friend's hotel in Olympia. She let us swim in the pool for a break and then we went out to dinner at a Osaka. Both kids were very adventurous. Bob ate a lot of unagi and Kiera tried pretty much everything at the table. They finished up with some mochi. Yum!

I'm a pathetic mess

God, I'm a mess. So I talked on the phone for about an hour with my friend from my previous story. When I got off the phone, I burst into tears and cried for almost an hour. It was the weirdest thing because the whole thing still felt so visceral. It was like it happened yesterday instead of 15 years ago! How can I still be upset about something that I can barely remember the exact details of what happened? But it FEELS so raw. And I was thinking about it and I don't think I ever cried about it then. Not once. Not one little, itsy, bitsy tear. How is that even possible? Well, more fodder for therapy, I guess.

I think we're going to pull the plug on the remodel

Well, the bid finally came back. It is over our budget. We agreed before that we wouldn't do it unless it was under. I'm disappointed and relieved all at the same time. It makes me super nervous in this economy to be picking up new debt. Plus, I don't want all our extra cash to be going towards paying this stupid room off for years to come. I think we'll still do some of the interior work, like get some heat upstairs! It is getting really cold up there now. Maybe in another year we'll either have saved up some more money or the market will have rebounded enough that we'll have some cash again.

Can a girl get some sleep?!

OK, so I know they say you don't get much sleep after kids, but it has been almost 3.5 years and I still can't rely on a good night's sleep. That is all I want in life. To go to bed every night and sleep for 8 straight hours. No interuptions, no crying babies, no toddlers standing next to my head saying, "I want to watch TV" at 3am, no husbands talking in their sleep, no bad dreams, nothing. I want to fall asleep into deep, black, obliviousness and wake up exactly 8 hours later feeling like a human being. Is that so much to ask?

Feeling like Margaret

So, I've realized recently that I actually feel like myself again. I think there is something that happens when you have kids that warps your brain. For the longest time I was Mommy, Wife, and I went to work, but somehow my Margaretness was missing. I'm not really sure where it went but I think since I got pregnant with Bob my personality was taken over by complex hormones. The person I was for 28 years seemed to vanish into the soft, squishy body of a mom who only thinks about healthy meals, milk, and diapers.

My worst break-up ever

I bet you think I'm going to tell you a long sob story about some guy I was madly in love with who broke my heart and turned me into a pathetic mess. But no, it wasn't a guy, it was a girl. My very best friend ever. She and I met when we were 15 years old and became best friends. We were best friends in the way that only teenage girls can be. We spent all of our time together, discussed everything we ever thought about for hours on end. If we didn't actually see each other one day, then we would talk on the phone multiple times. Every single aspect of our lives had to be shared with all the gory details. This went on for years, all through college where we lived in an appartment together our senior year.

And then the most cliche thing ever happened, a boy came between us. I was dating this guy (although, I think date is perhaps too strong of a word) and I did not expect him to be faithful but I certainly did not expect what happened. My best friend slept with him and then neither of them bothered to tell me about it for a week. A week that he and I spent together back east. And then she calls to tell me the details and he sits there watching me have this phone conversation with this little smirk on his face knowing the whole time what she is telling me. Oh, but it gets better. He decides he really likes her better. She is upset that he didn't tell me and then we ended up in the bizzaro love triangle where he and I were both in love with her but she wouldn't give us the time of day. I contributed to this situation by being a complete bitch to her. I just couldn't help myself. I tried to make it not matter. I tried to tell myself that he was a total asshole and didn't matter at all and that she and I'd been best friends forever and we'd get over it. But the more I tried to pretend I wasn't completely distraught, the more I would say horrible snide mean things to her at every opportunity. That whole year after was easily the worst year of my life.

I've spent years wondering what I did to her that made her want to do that to me. My therapist suggested that perhaps I didn't do anything. Perhaps it really had nothing to do with me. But still to this day, I feel like I somehow deserved it.

Eyebrow waxing hurts and mustaches

I got my first eyebrow wax ever yesterday. And I swear someone told me it doesn't really hurt. Lying Bastard! I wax my legs all the time and damn that hurt, but not as much as waxing off my mustache. Speaking of which, as I'm showing off my hairlessness to my adoring husband last night, he says "yeah, I'd noticed you were getting a lot of dark hair there." Thanks for telling me now, buddy! Newsflash: That's your freakin job! I know it wasn't in the wedding vows, but it was implied. To have and to hold, for better, for worse, and to tell me when the hair on my lip is getting out of control. Jeez. I tell you when your ear and nose hairs are getting a bit too much. I let you know that yes, you are too fat for those pants and no, those shoes don't go with that outfit. Not that you usually listen, but still.

Now I'm going to go stroke my smooth skin some more.

The "People I am wondering about" series

aka What the hell happened to you?

I decided I would start a new series called "People I am wondering about" because I often find myself wondering about various people I have known at various times. If you happen to have information on these people or happen to be one of these people, please notify me immediately as I waste an inordinate amount of time on this kind of crap.

So, my first entry will be on Julie. Julie Nichols and I met at Woods Hole where we shared a house one summer in 1995 and ate a lot of oreos, drank, danced, went skinny dipping and generally had a lot of fun. Then Julie went off to Columbia and I was conveniently living in Boston so I would drive down to NYC and party away the weekends. Julie is a super nice, fun, funny girl and I miss her. We somehow drifted apart around the time I started dating Jeff. Sadly, I cannot find her anymore.

This also brings me to another question I have, which is this. Why isn't everyone on facebook, myspace or something? Are you living under a rock?

Mommyhood is awesome

I have to say some days I am just so happy to be a mom. Every single day my kids do something that makes me laugh or smile. This morning Kiera was being so funny. She woke up all happy and when I went to get her out of her crib, she had to bring all her blankies with her. She's up to four now. I said to her "You have a lot of blankies" and she said "Yeah, I do!"

And then I put on Diego for her because that is what she wanted to watch and when it came on she squealed with joy and clapped her hands. I can't remember the last time I was that excited about anything.

Both the kids are so happy and joyful that it makes me happy and joyful. Jeff and I agree that having kids is the best thing we ever did.

Update on the remodel

If you have been faithfully following along, we are still going forward with the remodel despite the state of the economy. We sorted out all the details with the contractor and architect and are now waiting on a final bid. Keep your fingers crossed that it will be inside the budget. We've already made some cuts and I'm not sure where else we could drop a few thousand if we had to.

the holidays and family

Holidays are never fun as a grown up. Well, maybe some people enjoy them but it seems like most of us spend the time dreading dealing with our family members, putting up with family members and then recovering from and rehashing hanging out with family members. For me, it is generally my sister and I who cannot seem to get along when it comes to the holidays. Not really sure why. I used to love Thanksgiving and Christmas. We always had a lot of people over, my mom went overboard decorating the house and I loved how everyone was happy and festive. Now it seems like no one is happy or festive and I just generally get annoyed with everyone.

So, my plan this year is to get away and see if we can be festive. We are all (mom, dad, sister and fam, and us) heading down to my mom's cousin's for turkey. Then Jeff, the kids and I will check out Portland. I'm looking forward to that since I've driven through many times but never bothered to stop. For xmas, we're off to Mazama where we are going to play in the snow, ski and generally have a groovy time. My parents are coming but they'd better be festive and fun (see above) and babysit the kids a bit so Jeff and I can have some time with each other. That would be novel.

I will definitely be missing my grandfather a lot over the holidays. His personality always made any gathering a party. He always cooked or helped my mom cook the big family dinners. I can't remember any holiday party that was any fun when he wasn't there. Hopefully, he can still be there in spirit.

Oh yeah, and the election too

I forgot to mention that I'm over my obsessive reading of the election coverage. At this point I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping by this time next week my faith in the American people will be restored.

wine, candy, and costumes

A whole month has gone by without hardly a peep from me. What have I been doing? Working. Sleeping. Playing with the kids.

Jeff and I have been trying to figure out when to go to Walla Walla and pick up our wine. We are big fans of Waters Winery (ok, so we got one bottle, really liked it and now have several more in our basement) and now we are on their preview list so we can order wine before other people. We decided it would be fun to ditch the kids and take a road trip! Yeah, baby. But as usual our inability to plan more than 5 minutes in advance is getting us into trouble. We'll see if we manage to take some time this weekend to book a hotel and line up the babysitter (aka Grandma).

Halloween is fast approaching and I'm excited to go trick-or-treating with Bob (and Kiera if she's still awake when the fun starts). We went to the Greenwood trick-or-treat thang last weekend. I wanted to dress up and get a family photo taken since Janet Klinger was doing a cheap photo session. Jeff and I were pirates. Bob thought this was supremely cool. I'm still in shock that not only did Jeff consent to wearing a costume but he even wore the red striped tights out to lunch! I think it was the first time I wore a costume since college. And it was FUN!

Bob and I also had a birthday party to go to. It was one of his little preschool friends. It was awkward. I didn't know anyone, there were about 20+ kids and their moms crowded into a small room doing crafts. Bob didn't seem to want to play or talk to anyone except me. I was exhausted after 1.5 hours and never want to go to another toddler party. EVER. I hate socializing. I am not good at the mommy circuit. I have my friends, I like them and I don't want to pretend to like you.

Here's to you, Grandpa

Wow, that was really fast. On Monday, my grandfather decided not to be treated for heart failure and today, he died. It was a nice day to die. The weather was beautiful - sunny, warm, not hot, nice breeze, leaves starting to turn red, yellow and orange.

My grandfather slipped into a coma last night and stopped breathing at 3pm this afternoon. My mom, her brother, my father, my sister and I were all there when he took his last breath. I was kind of scared about seeing him die. But it was actually kind of beautiful. I'm so grateful that I got to be there. I'm so grateful that he was so much a part of my life. He told me that we were the best of friends. I got to tell him how much I loved him. I don't have the words for how much I will miss him.

Death

I haven't had much to say, or maybe too much to say, don't know. I've been trying to wrap my head around my grandfather choosing not to be treated for an infection in his heart. I think I'm ok with it now, but it is not easy to watch one of my favorite people in the world die. I am glad that he gets to make the choice that makes him happy, but there are moments when I wish I could strap him down and force the antibiotics on him.

Febrile Seizures

I am very tired. Kiera has been very sick the last few days with a very high fever. We've called 911 twice and been taken to the hospital for febrile seizures. It is definitely the scariest thing that I've had happen as a parent. The first time it happened, I really thought she was going to die in my arms.

Because she had 2 in 24 hours and they were deemed "atypical" we now get the joy of going to see a pediatric nuerologist. She seems ok now. And last night she was fine even though her fever spiked again around 10pm. I haven't been sleeping well since I check on her every few hours to make sure she's still alive. I tell myself it's irrational to think she'll die in her sleep, but you hear those horror stories and I just can't sleep unless I know she's ok.

Are you done having kids?

Several people in the last few days have asked if I'm going to have more kids. I don't really know. I like the idea of having a bigger family, but going through another pregnancy and that first year with an infant again doesn't sound like too much fun.

Jeff and I discussed this a while ago and his response was "I'm done." To which I replied, "So, I guess we're not having anymore kids then." And then he said, "Well, it's not like we've done anything permenant." WTF does that mean? Either you are done or you aren't, right? How is it you can be with someone for almost 10 years and still not know what the hell they are talking about half the time?

Anyway, apparently we are both on the same page which is this: We don't want to have any more babies right now, but we both like the idea of more kids, so who knows what will happen in the future.

I'm going to vote with my little hood too

Samatha Bee had this to say about being a Vagina American:

"Ow, ow, ow. Can you just stop overloading my lady brain? Ow. John McCain chose a woman who is almost completely unprepared for the job and who disagrees with me on every core value I believe in, but I will be voting McCain in November because he understands. Woman don't vote with the big head (pointing to her head). They vote with the little hood (pointing downward). Am I right ladies? You're with me! "

I'm going to vote with my little hood too, cept I'm voting for Obama. He's WAY better looking than McCaincient. Not to mention I find Ms Palin offensive on too many levels to mention. And McCain is even more offensive to me, especially since he seems to think that choosing any woman to put on the ticket would make all us silly women vote for him. He's clearly a sexist, yet now that he's put a woman on the ticket, everytime Palin is attacked, he'll call Obama/Biden sexist. Just look at the latest scandal about the "pig in lipstick" comment. Unfortunately, I think it's going to work for him.

The love that screams its name really really loudly

Today, as I prepare to take Bob and leave him at preschool for the first time, I cannot help but think about how hard it is to watch him take this first step out into the world. Even though I left him at daycare when he was a baby and he stays with the nanny during the day now, somehow sending him off to school seems like a bigger deal. It's the first step in his journey of independence that will eventually lead him to leave home and probably someday start his own family.

It makes me unbearably sad to think of the kids leaving home. I love them fiercely. So much that sometimes it truly physically hurts. It's amazing because before I had kids, I didn't understand how people survived the baby years. The sleepless nights, the endless diapers, the constant demand for attention. But the minute Bob came out and they put him on my chest, I fell hopelessly in love. It's the kind of love that you can't even describe to someone who doesn't have kids. I've tried. It's sort of like having an enormous, obsessive crush on someone. You think about them endlessly. You want to be with them constantly. Every microscopic detail of their life seems endlessly fascinating. This is why parents can spend an hour discussing their kids poop.

And sometimes I wonder if I love one kid more. But they are both so amazing and so different, that it seems that I love one with as much fervor as the other. This is what makes me think I'd like to have another. To feel your heart expand to love someone so much, it completes your soul in a way I could never have imagined before.

My mom assures me that when they become teenagers, I won't like them nearly as much. I'm hoping this is true (sort of) because otherwise, I'm not sure how I could stand packing them up and shipping them off on their own life journey.

Why I love Prince

1. He's kinda hot for a short, skinny, sort of effeminate looking dude
2. All his songs are a little naughty (and some are downright smutty)
3. He knows how to shake his ass

Camping, Take 2

I'm very excited that we are going camping again this weekend. And I cannot believe the weather is going to be freakin' beautiful! We're headed up to Lopez Island. I love the San Juans and haven't been up there in years. I'm praying that we don't have to wait around for hours to catch the ferry. I'm going to toss the kids in the car as soon as they wake up and try to catch the 10am ferry.

Jeff was supposed to be testifying as an expert witness (I love saying "expert witness." It just makes me think about what a smarty pants he is. But the best part is that he doesn't realize it and still likes to watch things like "Most Shocking Explosions" on tv and yells "OMG, did you see that?! "when something really big blows up. Makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.) but the trial got postponed or something so now he's going to be able to drive up with us instead of later in the evening. Yay!

And this time we get to make a GIANT FIRE! Camping without fire is lame.

Mommy needs some personal space

Lately the kids seem to think that I am their personal climbing gym/toy. And if I'm honest with myself, I guess I sort of am. But still, mommy would like a little more personal space. I tried to explain this concept to Bob and he just said "No. No personal space." which pretty much sums up my life. I've also tried to install "mommy's turn" into the mix. They seem to get the concept of taking turns with each other, but why would mommy need a turn? If I tell Kiera I'm busy reading the paper, she just brings me one book after another, slams it down and says "read." When I say no, she either goes and gets another book or flings herself onto the floor and sobs. What's a mommy to do?

This mommy has taken to going on longer and longer runs in order to get a little time to myself. Seems like my ass belongs to everyone except myself. Running is nice because I get to listen to the music I want (without Jeff or the kids complaining about or making fun of it) and I get to be alone with my thoughts. At this rate, that baby weight is going to be gone in no time!

going on a "date" with your husband

Somehow going on a date with your husband just doesn't have the same thrill as when you are single and dating some random person you barely know. Jeff always says that is just the way it is. And he's probably right. I mean there isn't the question of "does he like me?" (he obviously does) and there is no wondering "are we going to spend the night together?" (we already have five million times, not to mention he's seen me push two babies out, which probably really changes how you see someone). I have to say though, I kinda miss that rush you get. And maybe it's the whole thing. Your girlfriend would help you pick out an outfit, you'd shave your legs, pick out your best panties and bra, discuss at length how hot said guy is or isn't, rehash any of your previous dates, etc. And this is all the lead up to the date. You've had a ton of fun before you even get started!

Nowadays, I'm lucky if I remember to wear something a little nicer to work and put on some makeup.

BUT all that said, we did have a good time. We went to Harvest Vine which is a yummy little tapas place in Madison Valley. We sat down in the wine cellar where you can image you are in some little place in Europe. The food there is outstanding. It's pretty much all meat and cheese. And, of coarse, really good wines, all Spanish. My favorite dish we had last night was cured tuna with a soft poached egg and leaks with some kind of sauce. We ate it on their bread which is crazy good (although I was bummed they wouldn't give me any butter. What kind of rule is that anyway?).

Unfortunately Jeff was having a migraine so we didn't end up going out to Oliver's Twist after dinner which is a fun little place in our neighborhood that we like to go to on the rare occasion that we get out. They have really yummy desserts and fun cocktail concoctions. But we did have a nice time sitting on the couch and talking without being interrupted every 5 min. I fell asleep at 9:30 since I was up half the night before dealing with the kids. (Kiera needed her back rubbed since she has another cold and then Bob was kicking me in the back all night after he climbed in with us and I was too lazy to take him back to his room. ) I got to sleep for 10 hours without interruption! So, that is a real date from the land of married. It's still fun, but it sure is different.

Contractor and Lasik update

We got a note from the contractor I met with a few weeks back. He's still waiting on bids from some sub-contractors and he gave us his references. Sweet! I'm already liking this guy better than the last couple.

Also, I've decided that I'm maybe, probably, almost definitely, for surely going to call and make an appointment for a consultation re: lasik. Maybe. Messing around with your vision still skeezes me out.

This is why

Ok, so I realized my last post was pretty snarky since I'm implying that somehow moms are more distracted from their work then everyone else. I totally don't feel that way (like, for sure!).

But now that I think about it, I think this is the logic that often goes into thinking moms aren't as valuable as employees. Really though, I think sometimes moms are better because they want to get home and be with their kids. AND they also realize that their devotion is split. I think we often try to make up for it by working harder while at work. We might not spend 10+ hours a day at work, but I can tell you that most people who spend that much time at work are spending hours doing things that are not work. Uh, like me, right now.

Kids bad for your career? Who knew?

OK, I actually enjoyed reading this article. http://abcnews.go.com/Business/CareerManagement/Story?id=5574529&page=1

But I do think in general kids are bad for your career regardless of when you have them. Even if you ignore them and keep working 60 hours a week there is a perception that you are distracted. And, come on, who are we kidding? Having a baby means you are
a. tired all the time
b. cranky all the time
c. probably spending some portion of your time at work thinking about baby or doing something for baby

In addition, MOST mothers I know are less interested in their jobs and more interested in their babies, at least initially.

Are moms still good employees? I think so, but I'm biased.

I'm not worthy!

Do you ever read stories about other people or blogs or whatever and feel like you don't really do that much? I've been reading various blogs of people who are starting their own business, writing a book, volunteering to save the world, and make a nice dinner at night. And, I think to myself, they can't really be that great.

I barely manage to get out of bed and get to work and squeeze in being a mom and making sure we all eat. I don't have time to save the world or anything else amazing. But the thing is, I feel bad about it. Do I really not have time, I ask myself? Or am I just wasting all my time on things like this blog?

Obsess much?

Ok, so I thought when I got married, found my one true love and all that, then I would no longer be plagued by obsessive thoughts about all my old boyfriends. Apparently, this is not true in my case. Perhaps I am entering the 7 year itch? I dunno, but I find myself mulling over what happened with Mr. X, Y or Z and why and what is he doing now and what would it be like to see him and would he still be hot or would he be bald, fat and generally disgusting? Maybe everyone wonders these things, but I think maybe, I'm a bit obsessive. For example, I seem to have a keen knack for tracking people down on the internet. I'm so good at it, it kind of scares me. And at the same time, I think, well, maybe I should look into a new career. It's kind of fun seeing how much you can find out about someone armed with a name and a few facts. If you are willing to pay for records searches and stuff, I'm sure you could have a whole lot of fun! Anyway, I have managed to find a few old college friends, so at least I'm putting my sickness to good use.

Camping + Toddlers = Very Dirty Toddlers

We took the kids camping last weekend. Two nights at a campsite up near Mt Rainier. The kids had a blast. It was really fun seeing them enjoying being outside, eating at the picnic table as a family, going hiking, sleeping in the tent together. We got to christen our giant 6 person tent!

The place was pretty nice. Lots of big trees and on a river. There was a bit of a hike down to the river but it had a nice swimming hole. Jeff, Bob and I went swimming but Kiera went in up to her ankles and said "No, no, no, no, no!" It was freezing cold water but felt good since it was so hot.

We were also lucky that the wildflowers were out in the mountain meadows. It really was beautiful and we had a great time. Kiera managed to get completely covered in ashy dirt and both Bob and Kiera enjoyed climbing the big rock in our campsite.

contractor hope

I ended up meeting with the contractor by myself last night since Jeff is off in eastern WA supposedly working, but I suspect there is some partying going on since he's with some friends. But I cannot hold that against him since whenever I travel for work, it's always mostly fun and very little work.

Anyway, the guy and his assistant came and asked knowledgeable sounding questions. What do I really know anyway when it comes to this sort of thing? I make software. They seemed nice. The architect said they have great references. We'll see what the bid is.

I also quizzed the architect about the super high bids we've gotten for a porch! I mean, come on, for a 100K, you should be able to do more than an unfinished porch and a deck. Sheesh. He seemed to think the bids were ridiculous too so I'm hoping this new guy will be lower. If not, I'm going to start wondering what kind of building materials are specified? Is the whole porch supposed to be gold filigree?

remodelling is NOT fun

So, we have a house that was built in 1916 and pretty much I hate everything about it, except
1. Location, location, location
2. Size

We bought it knowing it would need a lot of work. We finally got around to hiring an architect to draw up plans for the "dream home" and discovered it's going to be a lot MORE work and money than we thought originally. I think we rolled with this info pretty well considering. So, we scaled back and we're going to work on fixing/adding a real back porch and a deck. However, even this has been a pain in the butt and is costing way more than we thought.

We're interviewing yet another contractor next week and waiting for an estimate on our custom windows (ugh) which will hopefully get us closer to our budget. I was hoping the work would be done by now, but I should have known better. Sigh.

Will Lasik destroy my eyesight?

Warning: I haven't yet done ANY research on this topic so everything I'm going to say now is complete hearsay and I might even have made some of it up in my head but now I think its something someone actually told me.

So, I've been thinking a lot about getting Lasik. I'm super tired of glasses. Not only is it just annoying to have to wear them all the time, but I'm tired of how I look in them. I think they add about 10 years, which I really don't need.

So, here's what I'm afraid of:
1. Lasik will completely destroy my vision
2. It won't completely destroy my vision but will not really fix it AND leave me with spots or halos or something equally unappealing.
3. It will work but I'll still have to wear glasses for reading or something stupid like that. I mean, who wants to spend 3-4k dollars only to have to get new glasses too!

Another rumor I heard is that it doesn't work on astigmatisms. That would be lame because that is the same reason I can't wear contacts. Well, that sums it up. Now I must go find out the truth about Lasik.

The worst thing about being a new parent

By far, the worst thing about having a baby is sleep deprivation. There is a reason it is considered a form of torture! If you've ever been forced to survive on 4-6 hours of sleep at night in blocks of less than 3 hours, you'll know that you turn into a different person. I turn cranky and mean and say all sort of horrible things.

Luckily, with Kiera getting older by the minute and Bob over the not-sleeping-hump, I think I see some light at the end of the tunnel. I think I'm going to be a nice, patient, loving person again someday. I hope that my husband will still love me when that time finally arrives and he won't remember enough to hold against me. I know I've catalogued all sorts of offenses that he's committed but I no longer remember any of them so I won't have any ammunition if war breaks out.

The best part about the kids getting older is that I'm done breast-feeding and I at least feel like I'm getting closer to the person I was before kids. I actually want to have time for my husband again. I'm interested in something besides every last detail of my kids daily activities. I think we might actually be a real couple again someday soon, that is, if I can ever get some sleep!

waterproof in seattle

It's funny how rain doesn't seem to bother people in Seattle. I went to Carkeek park today thinking that no one else would be there since it was raining off and on. But I should have known it would be packed on a Saturday afternoon regardless. I had to drive around the loop twice, which really concerned Bob since I was driving away from the playground. "It's back there, Mommy!"

I let the kids get really dirty and wet, especially since Kiera tried to crawl into the Sound. We stood on the overpass as a big train went by which Bob thought was super exciting and Kiera thought was a little scary. I love taking them out and playing. It always makes me smile.

Kiss and tell

So revisiting all that old stuff made me try to remember all the boys I ever kissed. I'm leaving off the last names mostly because I can't remember them but partly to protect the not-so-innocent.

1. Adam (I'm almost positive during our 13 year old "going out" that we kissed. I can't remember for certain so it obviously wasn't memerable.)
2. Joe (He was very hairy and it was NOT good.)
3. Steve (let's just say he knew what he was doing)
4. Dorm guy (I can't even remember his name but what I do remember is that he wasn't nearly as hot as he thought.)
5. Jon (He was sweet and my friend. I was a jerk. But to my credit, he had something stuck in his braces.)
6. Tori (he was nice but a bit too nice)
7. Chris (2 years too late)
8. Ryan (he was as hot as he thought he was)
9. Tim (nothing to write home about)
10. Random guy at bar on New Years Eve #1 (don't remember anything about this except that it happened)
11. KC (lalalalaaaaa, I kissed a girl)
12. Chris (again, yeah I'm counting him twice cuz I liked it better the second time. He still wasn't much of kisser but he had other skills)
13. Mick (trying to make #12 jealous and it didn't work at all)
14. Groomsman at Amy's wedding (this is why you shouldn't let bridesmaids drink too much)
15. John (oy)
16. Zan (had too many old fashioneds, but it was fun)
17. Random guy at bar on New Years Eve #2 (I think his name was Andy but all I remember is that I was really drunk and Holly's friend was really annoying.)
18. Steve (onion breath is NOT good)
19. Jeff (I married him so that should tell you something)
    
    Wow, that is a pretty short list and unless Jeff has an untimely death its not getting any longer. Maybe in my next life. :)

Treasure hunt in the basement

I was going through a bunch of boxes in the basement and came across one that had a bunch of old photos and letters. It was pretty interesting reading. I can't say I read everything but I picked letters at random which was fun. I found all the things I saved from my trip backpacking through Europe with Nicole and Lara (Lara Miller, where are you?). I forgot that I met Raina there and saw Leslie and Julie. I also discovered strange things like I have Ryan's social security number (oooh, what I could do with that!) and I saved some random notes that KC and I had exchanged during a history class.

Anyway, it was pretty entertaining. I'm glad I saved all that stuff. Maybe someday I'll actually read it all.

Return of the in-laws

So the in-laws are back today for 4 days. Really not too bad in terms of duration. However, my in-laws don't seem to get that people need personal space. They show up as soon as they awake and dressed and don't leave until they want to go to sleep (usually my husband and I are practically falling asleep on the couch at that point). Its nothing personal (ok, maybe a little bit personal) but they drive me insane. All I want is for them to find something else (besides me and my children) to entertain them for a few hours everyday. Is that really too much to ask?

Stress keeps me up at night

I hate not being able to sleep. And causes sleeplessness which in turn causes extreme crankiness. I hate not being able to sleep. That is one thing I don't like about working. When I stayed at home, I never had trouble sleeping. I would fall asleep exhausted without any real worries aside from how I would entertain B and K and keep from going insane the next day.

Usually I don't have many worries over my job. Its not exactly brain surgery. Technical writing while interesting isn't going to ruin lives. But I am one of the main interviewers on our team and I particularily skewered someone this week. I wasn't really intending to go after him, but he was being evasive. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or not. Sometimes people just aren't very forthcoming. But I felt like he was trying to snow me so I kept digging. In the end, I liked the guy but didn't feel like he'd be a good hire. And it didn't really matter what I decided since he'd gotten the thumbs down from everyone else on the loop already. But I still feel bad about it. I swear sometimes I think you could get hired or not just based on whether the interviewer is having a good or bad day. I usually feel good about my decisions with hiring. I know I've gotten pretty good at interviewing. I think I just really could empathize with this guy who's in a crap situation and just wants to get out. But I didn't feel like he really wanted to work on our team as a writer. I think he was just looking for an easy out. Oh well. Hopefully he'll find something he'll really like and in the end we'll have done him a favor.

Online Stalking

So, if you've ever tried to hunt down an old friend/enemy/lover you've already discovered that some poeple are easier to find than others. It is pretty amazing to me how much you can discover about people you used to know online. But what is even more interesting is what you can't find. I mean, some people seem to have no online footprint, which is CRAZY in this day and age. I, for example, don't seem to come up in searches for my maiden name. So here I'm going to make it easy. If you are looking for me, I'll put all the buzz words you need right here.

Tacoma
Washington
Early Entrance Program (EEP)
Margaret
Edie
Parsons
MIT
Boston
University of Washington
Seattle
Oceanography

Wow, that's about it. Sad that so few words can sum up my past. But if you are here, drop me a line. For some sick reason I'm curious about what has happened to all the people I used to know but lost touch with.

Going, going, going...

The one thing about working and having little kids is that it feels like non-stop action from the crack of dawn until I drop into bed. Its partly my fault since I am trying to have time for the kids, work, exercising, seeing friends, spending time with my husband, and doing all the random household management, not to mention getting hair cuts, pedicures and leg waxes. I suppose if I cut some of that out, I'd have more time to sit on my butt. The exercising is what I'm having trouble getting used to the most. I try to go to the gym 2 times during the week after work. And then I also do yoga one night a week after the kids go to bed. So there are 3 days when I've got something to do in the evening already. Which means there are only 2 nights when I can relax after the kids go to bed. One of those nights is my husband's turn to do something after work so I end up doing the bedtime thing for two toddlers on my own. By the time I get B into bed, I'm exhausted!

This would all be ok if I could actually get a decent night's sleep, but lately K has been waking up around midnight and B comes into our room around 5am. Yikes.

But I have to say, even so, I still am glad that I went back to work. B was way overtired last night and threw a massive tantrum and I did not flip out at all. I had total patience with him and we were able to work through it and get him to eat his dinner without me losing my temper at all. That was super hard for me when I stayed at home. I was always so burnt out from the constant neediness. I really do a lot better now that I get some time to do the things I'd like to do. And I have to say its a lot less stressful watching our savings account get bigger instead of smaller.

My first post

Ok, I've never blogged before, but here I go. I decided to return to work last fall when my daughter K was 6 months old. I was literally going insane. Ok, mabye not literally but it felt like it. So, I started passing my resume around. Initially, I was only going to do something part time. But the more I looked around, the more I realized that all the jobs I wanted were full time. So, I found myself applying for full time jobs at big companies. And before I knew it, my friends had me back at MSFT. I spent 5 years there before quitting and vowing I'd never return. Well, that didn't last too long.

How did I feel? Guilty? You bet. Terrified? That too. Relieved? Yep. Excited? Sorta. I agonized over finding a nanny. But I've been at it for about 4 months now and we're pretty much smooth sailing, much to my delight and surprise. I thought K who was 7 months would have the hardest time with the transition. But no, it was B who at 2.5 years felt pretty strongly that I should still be home everyday to play with him.

I am loving being back at work. Loving it. The first week, I couldn't believe how nice the quiet of my office was. And now, I find that I look forward to going to work and I look forward to coming home. So, so far, so good.